Take a breath- inhale, exhale. 

Being a doctor or being married to a doctor means the long, erratic hours, spent on your feet, missing milestones in your children's lives, never taking time for yourself, all to better the lives of others. We get it, and we want to help. 


 
 

Being married to a doctor means maintaining a healthy, giving relationship while running a practice. A successful marriage requires making time for each another. While the path may be difficult, you should know you're not alone in the struggle.

Books on Marriage

  • The Five Love Languages deepens your relationship by improving the way you recognize your partner’s needs when it comes to love. Dr. Gary Chapman gives 5 different ways to show and receive love.

  • How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It mends and strengthens your relationship by giving a new perspective on how men and women think about marriage. Co-authors Steven Stosny and Patricia Love assert that talking about problems does not make them better, but understanding where your partner comes from does. 

  • Love in the Time of Medical School shows what medical couples should expect and help others through it and answers the question of how do we succeed in a medical marriage. As the spouse of a medical student, Sarah Epstein, openly shares her experiences of dating a medical student.

  • At Least You’ll Be Married to a Doctor: Managing Your Intimate Relationship Through Medical School relays the reality of managing an intimate relationship while in medical school. Jordyn Hagar illustrates how to understand medical relationships through the experiences and perspectives of both medical school student and the spouse.

  • In Memoirs of a Surgeon’s Wife: I’m Throwing Your Damn Pager into the Ocean , Megan Sharma’s boyfriend became her fiance, then husband, then co-parent all while navigating his medical school and surgeon journey. Through her experience as a surgeon’s wife, Sharma discusses the roller coaster of a medical marriage through humor, research, and observation.

  • The Marriage Garden: Cultivating Your Relationship so it Grows and Flourishes uplifts couples by acknowledging that marriages are unique and take work to grow. Dr. Goddard gives a six-step program on how to strengthen your marriage through the use of gardening analogies.

  • In How’s Your Marriage: A Book for Men and Women, Dr. Myers, an experienced marital therapist of two decades, gives insight into common marital difficulties -- sex, life-cycle changes, infidelity, drinking, mental illness, and concerns about children -- and how these difficulties can affect your marriage. He advises on how to solve these problems while also improving communication with your spouse, an essential part any successful  and fulfilling medical marriage.

  • Doctors’ Marriages: A Look at the Problems and Their Solutions gives perspective on what each partner’s stressors and how to effectively support your spouse during this time.  Dr. Myers discusses the strains on medical marriages, from medical school to their own practice.

  • Intimate Relationships in Medical School: How to Make Them Work (Surviving Medical School Series) acts as a guide to help medical marriages confront and resolve misunderstandings in order to have a successful, intimate relationship.  

  • In The Medical Marriage , Wayne and Mary Sotile help physician families navigate the medical marriage and family relationships by identifying key issues and potential difficulties they may face where one or both partners are physicians. By also providing separate sections for male and women physicians, the authors provide strategies to best managing typical conflicts, without blaming yourself or your spouse.

Medical Marriage Experts

  • Lara McElderry, the podcast host and founder of Married to Doctors, connects all medical marriages to make successful homes happier. She strives to do this by building community, sharing our stories, and exploring solutions. 

  • Tejal Toprani, Emotion Focused Therapist, can help you by developing a better understanding of their struggles and what they need to persevere and persist.

  • Melisa Mons, Founder of Lives of Doctors’ Wives, aims to support women partnered with medical students, residents, fellows, and practicing physicians (MD and DO). Her Facebook group is a direct method of connecting all physician spouses. 

  • Jordyn Hagar pulls from her spouse’s experiences with the medical training process as well as from her professional background in mental health and takes you on a step-by-step journey through the realities of managing an intimate relationship during medical school. She is most known for her book, At Least You’ll Be Married to a Doctor: Managing Your Intimate Relationship Through Medical School

  • Jess Hyer, "The Mrs. behind the M.D", hopes to be a source of strength and support to others, by providing tips and hear fresh ideas to help women survive and thrive as a doctor’s wife.

  • Dr. Celeste Holbrook, sexologist, speaker and author, dedicates her life to helping women achieve soul-centered sex through perfectly planned mental and behavioral changes.  She inspires women to move through mental blocks surrounding their intimate lives to truly experience the sex that was spiritually designed for her.
    Advice: 20 Questions to Ask Your Partner

  • Dr. H. Wallace Goddard has served as a Professor of Family Life in both Arkansas and Alabama. He develops programs on parenting, marriage, youth development, and family relations.

  • Dr. Michael F. Myers works to understand and help physicians as a result of their demanding professions. He is Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at SUNY Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, NY and the Immediate Past Vice Chair Education and Director of Training in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences.


 
 

While physicians are out improving the lives of others, they want to also watch their children grow. A lot of times, doctors understand the problems of their patients and how to fix it, but not their own children. Whether it is their babies first steps, watching them walk across the stage to receive their diploma, or simply watching them play on a team, physicians work everyday to maintain the balance of stellar healthcare and loving parenting. The important truth to always remember is all physicians are in this together, fighting the same fight.

Books on Parenting

Physician Family Experts

  • Angel Rodgers writes from the perspective of an older medical spouse who happens to be childless by choice. I hope that husbands, older spouses, those childless by choice, and others will find this entertaining and occasionally useful.”

  • Nisha Mehta, MD discusses the challenging choice to be a mom and a physician and how to balance both.

  • Rebecca Smith exposes dealing with the struggle behind infertility on the medical journey.

  • Dr. Nelly Farnoody-Zahiri, founder of Mission for Mom Talk, explores opportunities to help build more connections amongst like-minded communities to support higher consciousness and peace learning.

  • Curtis Webster Jr., founder of DMD Lifestyle, helps parents, especially dads, learn from each other through their successes and mistakes while encouraging each other to create a better lifestyle for our families. The content on this blog is written by DMDs (Dads Married to Doctors) but is designed for all dads or parents married to busy professionals. Join his Facebook Group if you are interested.


 
 

Between balancing a family and a practice, doctors may find it difficult to find time for themselves. Self-care brings peace and stability to a family. To lead a happy and healthy life, you need an outlet and mindset that will enable you to persevere through hardships. Whether that is taking a yoga class on the weekends or carving out time for reading a new book, self-care is more important than patient care, because it makes patient care possible.

Books On Physician Self-care

Physician Self-Care Experts

  • Katie Van Brunt openly shares her experiences with conquering Postpartum Depression on her personal blog, “Loyal, Loving, & Learning” in hopes of inspiring others to live their best life.”

  • Chris McGilvery teaches how to find your passion while supporting your spouse on their medical journey.